Can You Guess Where There Are a Lot of Foxes

The Cover Letter of a Fox Applying for the Job of Hen House Guard

Red Fox Licking

To Whom It May Concern,

Please find attached my resume in response to the job listing on Farmjobs.com for a Hen House Guard. I believe my skills and experience are a perfect match for the position and I am eager to speak to you in person about the job and, in particular, to meet the chickens.

As my resume indicates, I have a wealth of experience in issues directly related to hen house security. I would go so far as to say I have been studying and analyzing hen house security since birth. That’s how passionate I am about these issues.

Also, I am a fox.

While hiring a fox to serve as hen house guard might seem counterintuitive, it really is a very strategic move. Think about it.

I have been carefully observing hen houses for years. Even more, my ability to excel and survive has been dependent on identifying flaws and loopholes in the hen house security apparatus and exploiting them for my own personal gain. And yes, I have taken advantage of these security failures – loose planks, missing boards, loose soil around the foundation – repeatedly and without an ounce of remorse. I have slaughtered and devoured many a chicken and they tasted fantastic. Each and every one of them.

However, despite my success and ravenous appetite for death and destruction, I suddenly feel compelled for some reason to switch sides and use my talents and experience to help those powerless individuals who are left vulnerable by an incompetent system. Yes, while I once saw chickens as merely a means to an end, anonymous nourishment for a hungry stomach, now, after digging a little deeper and learning about how much individual chickens are suffering, the only thing I want to do is help them thrive.

Now, you might be thinking, Doesn’t this seem a bit disingenuous? Can we really trust a fox to protect a hen house?

Normally you would be right to be concerned, but not in this particular case. Why? Because I am giving you my word right now that I can be trusted and that is enough. Period.

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